经典英语课堂笑话大全

网上有关“经典英语课堂笑话大全”话题很是火热，小编也是针对经典英语课堂笑话大全寻找了一些与之相关的一些信息进行分析，如果能碰巧解决你现在面临的问题，希望能够帮助到您。

冷笑话是一种新兴的语言现象,伴随着网络的普及它已经渗透到了青年群体的日常生活,偶尔爆出的一两句冷笑话能使交流氛围变得轻松愉悦,也能展示交谈者的幽默和智慧。下面是我带来的经典英语课堂笑话，欢迎阅读!

经典英语课堂笑话篇一

　After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."

　在将母亲下葬9个月后，当地殡仪馆的一个客户终于攒够了钱去买那副他早就相中的价值不菲的棺材了。他把母亲的棺材挖了出来，将尸体转移到了那副新的钢制棺材中。?这副棺材有什么特别，我问葬礼的承办人。他回答说，?这种棺材终生保修。

经典英语课堂笑话篇二

　Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. "

　有一次，我收到一封 感谢信 ，是一个我曾帮助过的朋友寄来的。信封内有五张**，都被刮过了，露出了数字。?非常感谢您的帮助，?信上写道，?作为礼物，我给您买了些**----真遗憾，您没中奖。?

经典英语课堂笑话篇三

　A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"

　一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：?如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅

　The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."

　获奖的答案是：?最接近门口的那一幅。?

经典英语课堂笑话篇四

　One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?"

　一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事?你爸爸帮你做了吗?"

　"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it allmyself," said Tim."

　不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"

经典英语课堂笑话篇五

　Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

　老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到?

　Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow

经典英语课堂笑话篇六

　The Preacher Buys a Parrot

　传教士买鹦鹉

　A preacher is buying a parrot.

　一个传教士在买鹦鹉。

　"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

　?你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗传教士问。

　"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

　?噢，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。?店主向他保证。

　"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

　?你看见它腿上的那些细绳了吗?当你拉动右边这根，它会背诵天主经;当你拉动左边那根，它会背诵赞美诗。?

　"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

　?太棒了!?传教士说，?但是如果我同时拉动两根绳子，会发生什么呢

　"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

　?我会从树干上掉下去，你这个笨蛋!?鹦鹉尖声说道。

经典英语课堂笑话篇七

　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

　我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，?有什么问题吗?我早上上街了，?女顾客说，?我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到?。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。?噢，太好了?，那位女顾客喜形于色。?我们等这东西都等多少年了!是什么好东西我问。?我丈夫的新助听器?。

十个简短的英语小笑话 [简短有哲理的英语笑话摘抄大全]

关于英语的笑话

英语笑话之一

昨天来了个外国人，进到办公室，前台**左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，就面带微笑的："Hello?"

外国人："Hi."

前台**："You have what thing?"(你有什么事?)

外国人："Can you speak Eng-lish?"(你会讲英语吗)前台**："If I not speak English，I am speaking what?"(如果我不会说，那我现在说的'什么)

外国人："Can anybody else speak English? "(还有谁能讲英语吗)

前台**："You yourself look. all people are playing，no people have time，you can wait，you wait，you not wait，you go."(你自己看看，所有人都在玩呢，都没空，你愿意等就等，不愿意就走你)

外国人："Good heavens. anybody here can speak English?"(我的上帝，这儿有谁会说英语吗)

前台**："Shout what shout，quiet a little，you on earth have what thing."(喊什么喊，安静点，你到底有什么事)

老外："I want to speak to your head."(我想和你的领导谈谈)

前台**："Head not zai.You tomorrow come."(头儿不在，明再来吧)

英语笑话之二

室友：圣诞节到了，我会把袜子挂在窗户上，我希望你们能在我第二天醒来

给我一个惊喜!

我：没问题，我知道你最喜欢吃学校前门那个小面包`

我一定买来放到你的袜子里面!记得吃哈?

室友：..............

Room friend:Christmas day arrived, I can hang the sock on the window, I hoped youcan second days wake in me

For me pleasantly surprised!

I:Does not have the question, I knew you most like eating school frontdoor that young bread `

I as soon as order put to inside yours sock! Remembered eatsKazak

Room friend: ..............

　 更多英语笑话推荐：

　 简单英语幽默笑话带翻译

　 带翻译是简短英语笑话大全

　 中国式英语笑话

　 英语口语小笑话

　 2014最新最经典英语笑话集锦

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英语幽默笑话

笑话是一种用来逗笑取乐的文体。笑话,不仅能让同学们在日常生活和学习中不时地会心一笑,还能从中学习到不少的英语知识。我整理了简短有哲理的英语笑话，欢迎阅读!

　简短有哲理的英语笑话篇一

Coffee Problem

A man was at the doctor's office. "Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have astabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?" he asked .

"Take the spoon out of your cup. " answered the doctor.

咖啡问题

一位男子来到医生的办公室。?医生，每次我喝咖啡，我的右眼都有刺痛感。您说我该怎么办?他问道。

把勺子从咖啡杯里拿出来。?医生回答说。

　简短有哲理的英语笑话篇二

A man handed a pair of slacks to the department-store clerk. "I'd like these altered, please," he said. The clerk asked for the sales receipt, but after searching his pockets, the man replied he had lost it. The clerk informed him that it was store policy to do free alterations without a receipt.

"Okay, then, " the man said, "I'd I like to return the slacks. clerk processed the return and gave him cash equaling the cost of the slacks.

The man pushed the money back across the counter. "Now I want to buy the slacks, " he said. The clerk rang up the sale, bagged the slacks and handed them to him with a receipt.

Triumphantly, he put the slacks and the receipt on the counter. "I'd like to have these altered, please."

花招

一位男子把一条宽松裤递给百货商店职员。?我想换一条。?他说。店员向他要售货收据。这位男子翻遍了他的口袋，最后只得说收据丢了。店员告诉他说没有收据不准随意更换，这是商店的规章。

那好吧，?这位男子说，?我要把这条裤子退掉。?店员按程序办理了退货手续并把等于裤子价格的现金给了他。

这位男子把钱从柜台上推回去。?现在我还要这条裤子，?他说。店员用收银机收下了钱，把那条裤子装进包里，并把它们连同收据递给了他。

这男子终于以胜利者的姿态把裤子和收据放在柜台上，说：?我要把这条裤子换了。?

　简短有哲理的英语笑话篇三

The Big Baby

"You'll have to take care of the baby today," a woman told her husband . " I'm not feeling well."

"Then you must stay in bed and rest, dear. " her husband said. "I'll be pleased to look afterour baby. "

"Thank you. I'll have a quiet day and I'll soon get better. " his wife told him.

"Shall I do the shopping for you as well?" her husband asked.

She was very pleased and said, "That will help me very much. I'll give you a list of things tobuy. "

She wrote out the list and gave it to him.

"You can get all these things at the supermarket," she said.

"You can put the baby in the shopping cart, then you won't have to leave him outside."

The man took the baby to the supermarket and put him in the shopping cart. Then hepushed the shopping cart along the rows of things to buy and looked for those that were onhis list.

At first all was well, but then the baby began to cry.

Then he started to scream.

And scream!

And SCREAM!

"Keep calm ,George, " the man said. "Don't get excited. Don't shout, George. Don't loseyour temper, George.

A woman in the supermarket heard him saying these things. She walked up to him.

"I think you are wonderful," she said. "You are so patient with your little George. "

"Madam, " the man said, "I'm George. He's Edward.

大婴儿

今天你得照看孩子，?女人对丈夫说，?我身体不舒服。?

亲爱的，那你呆在床上休息，?丈夫说，?我很高兴照顾我们的孩子。?

谢谢。今天我将清静一下了，我很快就会好点的。?

我为你去买东西，好吗?

她很高兴地说：?这帮我很大忙呢。我给你列个要买的东西的单子。?

她列好单子，递给他。

在超级市场你能买到这些东西，?她说。

你把孩子放在购物手推车里，就不用把孩子留在外面了。?

男人带着孩子到超市，把他放在推车里。然后推着车子沿着货架走，寻找单子列出的东西。

开始一切都进行得很顺利，接着孩子开始哭起来。

然后孩子开始尖声喊叫。

尖叫。

又尖叫。

保持镇静，乔治，?男人说，?不要冲动。不要喊叫，乔治。不要发脾气，乔治。?

一个女人在超市听到他说的这些话。她走到他跟前。

我觉得你真不错，?她说，?你对你的小乔治真有耐心。?

夫人，?男人说，?我是乔治，他是爱德华。?

英语幽默笑话15则

　你身边真正的朋友，跟你美丑没多大关系，跟你有钱没钱没多大关系，下面我给大家收集整理了英语幽默笑话，一起来学学幽默，收集好人缘吧!

　1、我懂他的话

　While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.

　"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.

　"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly .　A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"

　"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.

　在饭店吃饭的时候，我申斥我4岁的儿子，因为他满嘴食物在说话。“喔、呢”，我听到的就是这些。 “祖，”我责备道，“没人明白你在说什么。” “他说他要一些番茄酱，”我丈夫平静地说。坐在旁边的一位妇女靠过来问道：“你究竟如何明白他的话的呢?” “我是牙医。”我丈夫解释道。

　2、我 可 以 回 家 了

　One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”

　一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能回答我的第一个问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板已被乱涂，他非常生气地问：“谁涂的? 请站起来。”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见。”

　3、怎么把口香糖取出来呢

　Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?

　怎么把口香糖取出来呢当空中**给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中**面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?”

　4、谁是世界上第一个男人

　A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.

　“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”

　“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”

　一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”这时，有一个年龄稍大的男孩子举起手来，老师问他，“你认为谁是世界第一个男人?”男孩回答说：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是乔治华盛顿，因为历史书上说，乔治华盛顿和一个寡妇结婚了，所以在他之前，当然还有一个男的啦。

　5、没想到那么贵

　A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

　一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样?”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。”

　6、瞎子的判断

　Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he

　stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.

　从前有个瞎子。一天，他正在行路时踩着了一只正在睡觉的狗的脑袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一阵。这人又往前走，这回踩着的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起来。瞎子以为还是那条狗，惊诧地说：奇怪，这只狗可真够长的。

　7、我没有看到另外一块

　Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.

　妈妈：约翰尼，我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗?约翰尼：嗯，我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。

　8、好客

　The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

　由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

　9、新老师

　eorge comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

　9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗?” 妈妈问。“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”

　10、铅笔

　he Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $$1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

　在二十世纪六十年代，美国和苏联正处于太空竞赛的白热化阶段，美国航空航天局决定研制一种圆珠笔，以便在太空舱重力为零的环境下仍然可以书写。经过大量的研发工作，花费了大约一百万美元的成本，太空笔终于研制出来了。那支笔果然可以在太空书写，在回到地球后，作为一样新奇的小玩意儿也确实吸引了一些目光。而面临着同样难题的苏联，则选择了一支铅笔。

　11、心不在焉的老师

　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”

　有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。 一个碰见他的`学生说： “晚安，老师。您怎么了?” “啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”

　12、谁的儿子最伟大

　The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."

　"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.

　" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"

　四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”

　第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”

　第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’!

　13、国王的兄弟

　A poor man， presenting himself before the King of Spain，asked his charity， telling him that he was his brother． Theking desiring to know how he claimed kindred to him， the poorfellow replied，“We are all descended from one common fatherand mother—viz．， Adam and Eve．” Upon which the kinggave him a little copper piece of money． The poor man beganto bemoan himself， saying，“Is it possible that your Majestyshould give no more than this to your brother？”“Away，away，”replies the king；“if all the brothers you have in theworld give you as much as I have done， you'll be richer than Iam．”

　一个穷汉去见西班牙国王，说自己是他的兄弟，求他施恩周济。国王想知道他何以攀认亲戚，穷汉回答说，“我们有共同的祖先——亚 当和夏娃。”听了这话，国王就给了他一个小铜子儿。于是穷人开始叫屈，说：“难道您国王陛下就给兄弟这么一点点钱吗？”“走开，快走，”国王回答，“如果世界上你所有的兄弟们都像我这样给你一个铜板，你就比我还有钱了。”

　14、和上帝对话

　He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you?"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you?”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I have a penny ?"and God says:"In a second."

　他问：“主啊，一百万美元对你意味着多少?”上帝回答：¨一便士。” 男子又问：“那一百万年呢，?”上帝说：“一秒钟。”最后男子请求道：”上帝，我能得到一便士吗?“上帝回答：“过一秒钟。”

　15、 成年人的抉择

　The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a have tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one.He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough,a few days after his 18th birthday,he come home with a tattoo. Although l was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculin', he had chosen. There, on his shoulder,was a two inch image of Mickey Mouse.

　我儿子十八岁前的那一年，常常向我提出准许他文身。但我拒绝允许他这么做。他争辩说他不久就要成为男子汉了，并说他应该能够做出成年人的抉择了。果然，十八岁生日的几天后，他文了身，回到家里。尽管我对此感到不高兴，但出于好奇，我想看看他选择了什么雄性象征物。原来他在肩上文了一个两英寸长的米老鼠像。

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